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Do Gay And Lesbian People Make Good Parent?
I work in a community (I am not exaggerating) that may be 90% of my families in my classroom belong to the same “ward” of their church. The majority of the family structures are mom and dad and children. One year at the beginning of the school year, I have invited all the families to come to our Orientation day. The purpose of the get together were to have families get acquainted with the teaching staff and the other families as well. Malie came with her mom, Maria, her older brother and her mom’s partner, Stevie. Maria is a Mexican from California and Stevie is a local Hawaiian. On the Orientation day I asked all the family members to wear a name tag. I had also asked them to put their child’s name under their name in parenthesis. I started a game to encourage the families to get to know one another. Stevie went around and introduced herself as Maria’ partner in their family. But I could tell Maria wasn’t that comfortable with the social gathering. She sat down on a chair with Malie on her lap. She did not get up and walked around to talk to other people. At the end of the orientation, there were two moms left to help me to clean up the classroom. I overheard one of the moms was talking to another one. One mom commented, “Oh! Poor Malie! She must be so confused. Which one is her mom? And how come her mom has a girl partner instead of a dad? Who is going to be the head of the family? Poor child! Just look at her! She is raised in a two-lesbians family. Who is going to discipline her? Mom or Stevie? Ha! Ha! In my family my husband is the head of the family and with my kids! Oh! They are so scared of their dad. He only looks at them and they are so afraid of him.” I was very up-set of this mom’s bias conception of a lesbian family. I have seen children that are raised in a nurturing lesbian family. I think the children themself accepted the fact of being raised in a lesbian or gay family. They seem to adjust it well. But sometimes it is the other people who have difficulties accepting the reality that there are non-traditional families. They live the normal daily lives as we do and have a loving and caring family relationship. But are those children confused of the gender roles of a father or a mother? Do traditional mom and dad’s family is the only ideal one to raise a happy family? Are children raised in a gay and lesbian family less respectful as they don’t have a “male” household figure?
Hey Ivy,
ReplyDeleteHow honest do you think these gay/lesbian couples are to their children? I had a child in my class that we assumed her mom was a lesbian because the "partner" she always came with was female, and the child talked to us about them sleeping over the "partners" house. But I think the teaching staff really needs to be comfortable with this issue because it may be more likely now days for a gay/lesbian couple to walk in the classroom with a child. But how does a staff handle with the situation if they are anti-gay/lesbian or homophobic?
Ashley
Hi Ivy,
ReplyDeleteMore and more you find that families come in many different ways, as a teacher you accept and work with all families because they are a vital part of the children that are a part of your class. My question is how can you teach what you yourself do not agree with? A persons sexual preference is a very personal thing but what it seems like we are forced to do is make it a very public issue, one that comes with a lot of controversy.
Aloha Ivy,
ReplyDeleteThe topic of gays/lesbians is a very sensitive and controversial issue. It is true that as early childhood educators we work with many different families from many different backgrounds and beliefs. I stand for what I believe in as a Christian and that won't change, but I don't treat children or their families differently just because their beliefs are different from mine. My question is, "Can we teach children to love others no matter what their backgrounds or beliefs are? Are we able to turn a controversial issue into something positive for children?"
Does traditional mean "the best"? Does a child need to be raised by a mother AND a father in order to develop normally? Does having a mother AND a father around guarantee a child will be happy and successful? My answer to all of these questions is NO. I have a niece who has a lesbian partner and they had a child in-vitro. They are happy together and are raising their child, now over a year old. Based on what I have seen their child is very happy, cared for, and loved. It is unfortunate that those two moms that were talking about the other family were so judgmental, ignorant, and quick to make assumptions. Did they even stop to think that maybe they were also judging themselves. One of the moms asked who was going to discipline the children and said that her husband was in charge of it. But, what does this say about her? Is she incapable of disciplining her own children? Is she suggesting that women are inferior to such male-dominated roles?
ReplyDeleteHi Ivy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this story. You share something very powerful when you state how others being able to accept something that is not traditional is the root of the problem. The comments and assumptions made by the mother in your blog are hurtful and silencing. This is consequence of the lesbian family not being typical according to this person. Who gets to decide what is traditional or normal? How can this normalizing expectation leave out gay children or families? Where is tolerance and acceptance in these situations?
Jeanne
Aloha Ivy,
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, of coarse gay or lesbian families are just as capable of raising a child, I'm sure you know that too. I feel that the deciding factor is if both parents are strong in their views and confident to teach their child there's nothing to be ashamed of. It would have been nice to hear that both mothers were unafraid to mingle and meet others because their child would pick up on this confidence.
Thank you for sharing.
-Taira Q.
Hi!
ReplyDeleteI feel this is becoming more and more common for same sex marriages occurring. I believe it's great so children who have two dads or two moms will feel more comfortable sharing because it's more common. Other families may think it's different but we as teachers need to help children and families see in different perspectives. We have to feel happy for every family because they are all loved and nourished by their love ones. How do we include activities to help children and families be more comfortable with non traditional ways of life styles?